See this man …
This is one, Malik Turner, a lonely man of 40 years old looking for “promiscuous sex”: 2 girls to his one manly-man-self. Applicants must be drug and disease free, no hookers, she-males, transvestites or dominatrix need apply. No, Mr. Malik Turner just wants what every red-blooded American male yearns for; commitment free lovin’.
It seems that our poor hero has been having trouble in the female department and decided to broaden his prospects. How? you ask. Possessing the brain of a 4 year old, (gosh, I hope I haven’t offended any preschoolers here), Mr. Turner hand wrote and posted fliers that he subsequently posted on public payphones around the city of New York… nice!
See for yourself …
Just in case your readers aren’t up to speed, I’ll break it down for you …
First the stats: Age – 40, lives at home with mama, single (well I should hope so), sorts mail for UPS.
Now while I would love to outline all of Mr. Malik Turners ‘favorites’ I think the real important stuff (outside of his love for the Lamborghini and Ferrari) is the actual requirments that he has posted for the many respondents to his ad. ladies? Are you ready?
Nationalities: American, Canadian, Hispanic, British, Australian, Italian, Swedish and Native American within the age range of 21 -45. Interested females should be big chested, leggy, curvy, voluptuous (not fat), with a gorgeous face and long fingernails. Hair color must be either blonde or red and it must be LONG … there are no exceptions here ladies.
Now for the real nitty-gritty: Habits. Must not smoke, may drink occasionally and be very promiscuous (remember the 2:1 ratio mentioned above). Applicants must be willing to take turns paying for dates, no freeloaders need apply, and allow this very special guy to use a condom (writers note: please ladies, please, do allow this man to use a condom, procreation should be discouraged at all costs). May I reiterate that this fine offer is for lovin’ only, no commitments, just some mutual dutch-treat fun.
Now I would like to say that Mr. Malik Turner recieved lots of dates and made some very special new friends from this finely written, very heart-felt flyer, but alas: some nosy-bodied someone called his mama to report what her dear son had been up to. Mama wasn’t amused. Now I can’t say for sure whether or not Malik Turner has been grounded, but I can pretty much guarantee he got a good talkin’ to … and I bet every one of those fliers have disappeared from those phone booths.