Yesterday while driving to work I was listening to Bob & Tom talking about their teen years spent working in fast food. I have never worked in fast food … probably would have looked swell in one of those Hot Dog on a Stick hats … But alas, fast food employment just wasn’t in the cards. Anyway, for some reason listening to them brought back a horrifying experience that I once had at the Orange Julius.
The Place: South Towne Mall
The Witnesses: Mr. Farish, Dustin and Skylar
The Victim: Me
The Situation: I, the innocent and thirsty shopper happily purchased a large Orange Julius. Sipping away my straw is suddenly not working. It seems clogged. One large inhaling suck produces something in my mouth … open mouth, stick out tongue … produce a FINGERNAIL that is NOT mine! I start to gag … and I mean gag. Run over to the trash can … mind you I am at the mall … and suddenly all previously consumed Orange Julius is being deposited into the trash can in the middle of the mall. I decide to go back to the Orange Julius and get my money back. March on over … clear my throat, the teenage girl turns around, and then I see it … a big bloody bandage on her thumb! Shocked, repulsed and uttely horrified, I am suddenly rendered mute. I can’t talk, I can only turn around … and yes, vomit once more, right there in the middle of the mall.
I never bought another Orange Julius again. The mere thought of an Orange Julius makes me gag and turn green.
Do you think that’s why they went out of business? Cause to me, that’s just a little too much protein in the shake.