Lemonade from Lemons

I have been absolutely doubled over with pain, fever and the never ending GI s*&t … literally…for the last few days.  I am tired of this.  I am tired of not knowing what is going on.  I am tired of test after test after test and still nothing.  I am tired of worrying about my job.  But even with all the distress, I have to admit that some of this has become rather comical.  As in, it only happens to a Farish.
My family is known for coming down with the weird, bizarre, and incredibly unbelievible events that seem to be virtually exclusive to us.  Take for example the time that Abi was accidentally stabbed in the eye with a pair of scissors … at preschool, blunt tipped, barely missed her iris by an ‘nth’ of a tiddle which would have rendered her blind.  Take Cydney breaking her nose at barely age 4 from having a door knob slammed into her bitsy little face … crushed occular orbit, severely broken nose, almost lost her sight as well.  Then we have Skylar with his schalazia … what started out looking like a sty turned out to be a sight-impeding growth that only gets bigger with time.  Dustin was hit in the eye with a baseball bat requiring many stitches and a good clean wash out of the bone.  And that’s just they eyes folks, (which is rather curious since Mr. Farish works in opthalmics).  Oh yes, the Farish’s are also famous for their breaks and near dismemberments: Abi, arm, and the cutting off of her baby toe..  Dustin, outside of being hit by a car and sustaining arm, leg, and skull fractures, seems to break or at least sparin his ankles quite often and probably has been stitched on every part of his body.  Cydney, nose … I know I already mentioned that but she has broken that little princess FOUR times!  Me, thumb, wrist and nose (although the nose was long ago when sneaking back into the house after a highschool date…I walked into the doorframe…OUCH). 
But what really had me laughing yesterday as I was doubled over in pain, was remembering the time, (probably 10 years ago), we went to Disneyland and Skylar came down with the stomach flu (get the tie-in here?).  Day one, wee hours, we awake to Skylar crying in distress.  Get him to the bathroom where he proceeds to simultaneously vomit and poop at the same time.  Grabbing any and all available towels and tissue, Mr. Farish and I get him cleaned up and back in bed…only to repeat the process over and over again.  Naturally we don’t want the whole family to miss out on Disney fun in the morning, so I sent Mr. F and the others over to the park so that Skylar could sleep, be sick, sleep, be sick etc.  Then it got interesting.
You see, Skylar does not take illness easily.  Oh no, when he is sick everyone knows it.  He would get up from his hotel bed, stagger into the bathroom and proceed to scream at the top of his weak little lungs to, "Stop it.  It hurts.  STOP!"  Try as I might to calm him down he would not stop screaming whenever he pooped/vomited.  then I hear it …
knock, knock, knock.  I don’t answer because Skylar has just gone back to sleep and I do not want him to wake up.  knock, knock knock.
It’s housekeeping wondering if I want service … what the?  I have the DO NOT DISTURB sign hanging right there on the door.  Sure, the curtains are pulled tightly shut, but surely people have been known to do that in a hotel.  While I am convincing the housekeeper that I will not require her services but would certainly enjoy armloads of new linens, Skylar has gotten up and run to the bathroom … where he proceeds to scream out once more: "STOP, It HURTS, STOP!" little miss nosy is craning her head to get a good peek … what can I do?  I shut the door and run to him…
knock, knock, knock, knock, knock …What in the world, my child needs to sleep.  I barely open the door because it is clear that the knocking is going to continue until I do … It’s the hotel manager.  "Ma’am I have had some complaints that something is going on in this room.  People have reported hearing a child screaming."  "Oh, I am so sorry, my son has the stomach flu and well, he screams each time he gets sick.  I’m so sorry to disturb anyone."  "Ma’am, I need to come in and see what’s going on.  I have been told it sounds like someone is being hurt in here."  this is where in the back of your mind you are thinking "damn busybodies" and by the same token you are also thinking well, that’s nice that someone would be concerned enough to report suspected abuse.  but then you think, how dare they think that I would ever hurt my child.  which then turns to, I am so exhausted and I have not slept and some idiot wants to barge into my room to stare at my child who is now, (thankfully) sound asleep.  But what can you do but let him in.  So I let the manager in while doing my best to block out any sunlight, promptly pick up the latest load of putrid towels, handed them to him and said, "This should verify what I have told you."  He looked a bit green, but again, it was dark in that room.  He thanked me for my time, asked if perhaps I could convince my son to quit screaming, and wished me a wonderful stay in Disneyland. 
The next day Skylar was better.  We spent four days at the park, moved on to San Diego where we could stay with Mat and Crystal for a few nights while spending the days at the beach and Sea World.  Guess what happened?  Abi got the stomach flu!  Abi is the opposite of a screamer.  She silently rolls over, barfs, and goes back to sleep.  Poor Eden and Claire were barfed on in their sleep … Yeah, having the Farish’s come to visit is quite the adventure!
Some other time I’ll tell you about the drive home when I told Mr. F to pull over so I could use that abandoned structure as an outhouse … only it wasn’t abandoned … something I learned after I dropped my pants …
So I guess it all makes sense.  While I am not prone to screaming, I do have some strange thing going on in my body that makes me want to scream, and yet, when I think about it, I guess it just comes with being a Farish…

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