Yesterday my dad took me to the dentist, where due to my high dental anxiety, I was given two Triazalom pills the minute my size 7’s hit the threshold. Triazalom is a muscle relaxer, mind wiper, knock you off your feet kind of medication … it’s WONDERFUL! Wonderful until you awake, carry on long and meaningful conversations, say many things profound only to doze off again and have your slate completely wiped clean. I liken the experience to awakening in a strange and lovely place in which everything is glorious, no ill-will to be found and clothing is (apparently in my case) opptional.
The story, if it is to be believed goes something like this:
Dear, sweet Tiffany, (who patiently patted my arm and talked ever so soothingly to me during my consult visit) gave me the first pill in the waiting room, (where I kid you not, an adult male actually FARTED, out loud, lifting his right buttock to produce full accoustics for all to hear, call me crazy but I would much rather have vibratic sensation than ever letting something so loud fly) … 5, 10 minutes later, nothing. No relaxation, no lulling off to dreamland, nothing. Dear, sweet Tiffany decided to take me back to the room of doom where I could get situated and she could get some preliminary things done, (affixing my bib, hooking me up to a monitor and some x-rays). Well, first let me say that had the blood pressure monitor not been so touchy than I would never have shed my stylishly new sweat jacket in the first place, but alas, it was a touchy thing so the jacket had to go (I am so grateful that I had a bra and shirt on underneath said jacket before leaving home). Jacket off, pulse monitor and BP affixed, Dr. Greaves suggests another pill, (which I gratefully consumed). Lay back, blanket tucked in, and a happy little clown nose placed over my own to deliver a sweet little breath of nitrous air. That’s it! That is what I remember.
And apparently that is when the real fun began.
I don’t know what took place during the actual dental proceedure, don’t know, don’t care, it gives me heart palpitations just to think of that word … dentist. But … According to my father, I am rather comical when sedated. Now this could all be made up, in fact it probably is, but on the off chance that it it not and because I believe in fair reporting, I offer the following as reported by my dad;
"It was the right thing to do." for some resaon this was my statement du jour and I offered it often and freely. It’s kind of a lather-rinse-repeat thing I suppose because no sooner had he agreed than I was off repeating those same words … over and over and over again. It is to be noted that I was very complimentary to anyone else within talking/shouting distance upon their kindness, goodness, beauty, gentleness … a veritible good will ambassador, if you will … even when gentle reminders were given, I persisted. Not one person was going to escape the kindness of this stranger. I do not know the answer from the man that was interagated when I asked if I was drooling or not, but it was said that I was apologetic if drooling was indeed the case. Nor do I recall the response when it was somewhat hot and my torso was best shed of all clothing…all I know is that when I was alert and oriented later on last night, I was clothed…fully and completely. I also seem to have a great appreciation for a cold glass of white grape juice. Seemingly downing glass after glass pro-offered by my dear dad, declaring it "refreshingly delicious", each time before promptly asking for something to drink…yep, another bout of lather-rinse-repeat. Many hours later (many? I do not remember looking at a clock, talking to a soul, or even wiping my nose) it became a bit more clear why it was so important that I had a "responsible person to take care of you afterwards" otherwise who knows what kind of mayhem would have ensued. All I can say is I am so grateful for a patient father, a wonderful dental staff and understanding children. Did I mention that I made a tape to send to Flo? yea, I am quite full of great ideas when unconcious.
My hope: That I have not traumatized the entire Holladay township, or in the least, the poor staff at Dr. Greaves office. Imagine their fright at having a chatty cathy going on an on while offering a little peep show to boot! and that was only the right side of my mouth! Yes folks, I’ll be back for round two in a few short weeks…
I do hope my medical team is having just as much fun as my dental team.