See this jug? See all four litres of this jug? One gallon of milk is only 3/4 of this jug. Four litres is two of those ginormous, serves 12, bottles of soda. Four litres is how much I had to drink to prepare for my proceedures yesterday. Four litres is a LOT to drink … especially when the four litres one is told to drink tastes just like four litres of (generic) dishwashing detergent.
Let me tell you folks, you know you are in for a real treat when your pharmacist apologises to you when she reads your prescription. Which is exactly the response I got a few days ago when I picked up my jug o’ fun. But here’s the thing, I truly thought that everyone was exagerating. You know: "Oh, you poor thing. I had to drink that stuff. it was AWFUL" and "I would rather DIE than have to drink that stuff again". Wimps. All of them wimps. How bad could it be? Come on. I managed to drink two full pints of barium just a few weeks ago, surely this stuff can’t be any worse.
WRONG! This stuff is probably the worst concoction a person will ever have to consume in his or her life. I do not embellish here. Drinking four litres of this stuff is akin to drinking an entire bottle of ‘Joy’ without the lemon freshness nor the benfit of softer, smoother skin.
Here’s what the instructions say: "Drink 8 oz of the solution every 10 minutes. It is recommended that you drink a whole glass rapidly rather than sip small amounts." Let me tell you, anyone brave enough to sip this stuff has most assuredly lost his/her taste buds because this is NOT a sippable drink. This is surley the juice of the devil … and we all know that fella is not going to be serving up anything fruity or sweet. So chug every ten minutes I did … gagging, coughing, sometimes with tears streaming down my face, I chugged. and true to the directions, a feeling of "bloating, abdominal fullness and nausea soon set in … followed by some of the most violent moments of my life when my body rebelled against the concoction and begged it to spew forth. You are spared further detail, because believe me, they are NOT pretty but it must be noted that my surgeon was very complimentary regarding my "successful prep."
It is now the day after and this is what I awoke to find:
Five prescriptions to start today, two more will be added on day five … note the Tylenol! And just look at that emisis basin doing double duty. Nice.
The Diagnosis: ??? Still no definatives. The surgeon removed tissue from several areas during each of the proceedures. These have been sent to pathology where they will be dissected and studied. I should have results in about 7 days. So the wait continues and I am still in pain. The good news is, we WILL get this all figured out. It just takes time and patience. I will try to be a patient patient.
Addendum to the above: Surgeons office just called … I need to go in for more tests…one in which I will get to swallow a camera. the other? The nurse said my doctor will be calling me later but she wanted to be sure that I can come back the third week of March. It can’t be THAT BAD since I have a few weeks.