Skip this one … really… skip it …

 
Warning, I am in a mood.  I am in a most reflective/contemplative/pity-me state of mind right now and cannot be held accountible or reliable for any words that pour forth from my swollen, knarly fingers at this time.  I don’t know why I get in these moods and why I feel so intensely alone when they happen, but I do, and I am. As I wait for answers into my latest health mystery, (I mean really, who else but me has ever had Dengue Fever?), I feel myself falling into that abyss that always seems just a tad bit deeper than the last plunge…and frankly, I am tired of falling. 
 
You know what else I am tired of?  I am tired of juggling; juggling work, juggling kids, juggling money, juggling time … time…there is never enough and yet have you ever just wanted to fast forward?  Oh, I do. I know, I know.  It’s wrong and it’s lame but sometimes I just want to fast forward … move time, tell me what my destiny is.  Tell me if I will ever accomplish those things that I desire but have yet to make happen.  And there are so many things I want to make happen.  Actually, I am working on a most ambitious project right now, (nope, I won’t disclose … YET), I am working on a project that, if all works out, will be the icing on my cake, the cherry on my sundae, the silk in my stockings … it’s my dream (well, one of many), and I CAN DO IT… I can, can’t I?  Say I can, please say you believe.  Sometimes knowing you have people that love you and believe in you and support you (even when you are feeling like a total loser), well, that just makes the sun shine in my dark little heart.
 
And why do I have such a dark-heart feeling right now?  I look at my sister who is heaped with adversity and you think she is buckling and groveling and holding these incredible pity parties for herself?  Oh no, no she is not.  Perhaps I have cornered the market on self pity and haven’t left her a spot in the room … or is it that she just has more elegance and grace and ability to see the bright side of life?  That’s it. I aspire to be like her.  I try and I try but I’m just not there yet.  Someday perhaps.  Perhaps tomorrow, or the next day, or even the next … 
 
You know what I want?  No, not want; what I need?  I need Mr. Farish to put his arms around me and say, "It’s all going to be okay."  That’s all.  That’s all I really need.  Is that too much to ask?  Apparently so right now.  Mr. Farish isn’t saying … well … anything.  Aarrgghhh!  I must be really tired.  OK, sign off, get some sleep, new perspective in the morning.  
I warned you I was in a mood … 
 
 
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