Long and Tubular

I have been feeling pretty doubly-dip rotten for the past month or so…the past week bringing it all to a head.  On Monday I awoke with my throat in flames.  I’m talking a five-alarm fire here.  My head was pounding like a jackhammer and wowzah, the dizzies – this time not stemming from my blonde roots.  So off I go to work where I do my best to avoid everyone.  Also remembering that Jody was off all last week due to illness I don’t want to take away from her "I should have died" spotlight.  It just wouldn’t be right.  As the day progresses, I am feeling worse, but then think to myself, "Self, if you say anything it would be like you are trying to top Jody in the illness arena.  Just stay quiet."  I listened to myself, got through the day and went home to my bed.  Now you know I love my bed, but when a gal is sick, well, that’s just a down-right love affair ain’t no one gonna hone in on.   
Tuesday I awoke with a throat that is now calling for out of state assistance to put out.  No kidding.  My glands were so big I looked like an NFL linebacker … that is the big guy right?  After passing out from intense headache pain I decide it’s time to bite the big one and go to the doctor convinced that I have the world’s worst case of strep ever … fast forward … exam … all of the pain that I have suppressed in other parts of my body are suddenly coming into question… fast forward again… suddenly I am to report to the hospital el pronto for some tests … spend ENTIRE DAY into evening having tests … don’t make me tell you about all of the barium I had to drink, or the contrast dye that went shooting through my veins suddenly sending my body into uncontrollable convulsions … (poor radiologist, he thought I was going to die right there on his table. a scenario I would not have minded in the least at this point) … Mistakenly, the hospital sends me home only to get a phone call from my doctor saying the rdiologist found something long and tubular … did I mention Mr. Farish is out of town?  there goes that long and tubular …  I am to go back for MORE TESTS!  So today, I underwent more tests, in which there was revealed yet something else.  Are you kidding me?  Nope, it’s a mass of some sort and the "team" is not quite sure where to go with this.  According to the CAT scans, I have something long and tubular that is not associated with Mr. Farish.  According to the ultrasounds (yes, plural … abdominal and vaginal … an all out party for one – can hardly wait to tell Mr. Farish I wasn’t lonely with him gone) there is  something there but they are detecting a mass-like thing that can’t be identified.  FRUSTRATING. 
I am finally home … and waiting for the phone to ring to see if I will be going under the knife.  In the meantime, I continue to battle the fever, sorethroat, intense head and body aches that I originally went in for … so much for strep throat!  It ain’t no strep, it’s my body trying to get rid of the aliens that have decided to call my abdomen home.  My very own alien invasion … Cool, only not really so cool because I still feel like I’ve been run over by a mac truck and the clean-up crew is nowhere to be found. 
Here’s hoping that the phone rings soon … was I really suppossed to be sent home before the verdict?  Not sure and don’t really care at this pont because my plan at this point is to climb onto my mile-high bed and have some comfy-lovin under all those yummy quilts … with the help of some massive pain meds …
By the way, Dr. Morris said NO WORKING until this thing is figured out … that’s just great!  How do you explain that you’re sick but you don’t know if you are really sick or just sick?  I’ll plan on returning Monday just in case I’m faking the whole damn thing.

2 responses to “Long and Tubular

  1. oh my gosh!!! I hope the pain meds kick in so that you start to feel better soon! Let me know what is going on when you find out…will keep you and your poor little body in my thoughts and prayers…Love ya! Kathy

  2. Darling Kathy! I miss talking and laughing and sharing silly stories with you. How are you and the family? Annie and I still laugh as we recall your win-win solution for great looking hair … I miss our Bear Lake summers!

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