What’s That You Say?

So I’m driving to work today in the pouring rain, concentrating on the road and trying to stay in my lane and listening to the radio.  I enjoy the distraction and bawdy humor that Bob and Tom offer every morning but the minute they ‘take a commercial break’, I switch over to Fisher and Peggy … (totally different program but I do enjoy the school of fish). 
 
Fisher says something to which Peggy states, "Oh my heck."  which then sends my little pea brain into an exploration of Utah-speak.  You know it, you hear it everyday, and likely, you do it too.  Utah speak: "Oh my heck, I swear without swearing and it’s fricking awesome!"
 
Fricking – I first heard this when I worked at NLC.  All those women complaining about ‘frickin’ this and ‘frickin’ that.  I actually remember asking Michelle what all the ‘frick’ was about.  She laughed at me.  
 
Heck – What the hell people?  Are you serious?  "I thought I died and woke up in heck."  Not the same, just not the same.
 
Cripes – "Oh Cripes!"  What?  I don’t get the whole ‘Cripes’ thing.  Is this used instead of the proper noun we more commonly know as Christ?
 
Dang – "It was so dang funny, I dang near wet my pants."   and the ever popular, "Hot dang!"
 
Sheep – "Oh Sheep" … oh sheep?  weird, just plain weird
 
"B" – She is such a ‘B’. 
 
Gosh – "Oh my GOSH, I can’t believe it!"  I am actually ok with this one.  Whether you praise God, Allah, Buddah, or whomever, I don’t like my diety being bandied about like a common noun.  Not nice people, not nice at all.
 
Gee-sus (or Hey sus) – Holy Gee-sus, I can’t believe my ears.
 
I guess what I really want to know is this: if you choose to use these words, (and I am not saying that you can’t), aren’t you still using slang?  As I see it, substituting heck for hell is really just the same ol’ thing and if you are worried about offending God, Allah, Buddha, and/or Jesus, I think your true meaning is obvious anyway.   Which leads me to ask:
 
Why do we use these words anyway?  Slang or slang wannabes?  You cannot turn on the television, watch a movie, go shopping, well anything really, without hearing a bunch of ‘F’s and ‘S’s being spewed out.  Not that a good hell or damn isn’t called for every now and then, ’cause by-gum, they are useful in getting the point across…and I’m not substituting here … If I am passionate about something I just might  want the real thing … but that’s pretty rare.
 
Oh, I hear what you are saying: "Oh my Heck I am so frickin tired of that B thinking she is all that.  Cripes, she is so dang gonna get the sheep kicked out of her and I swear to Gosh, I’m not gonna even care.  Gee-sus, it’s about time!"
 
To which my only reply is: "Hey, it is what it is and I damn well won’t be going to hell for saying so."
 
Utah-speak – gotta love it! 
 
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