I am so near to tears today that it hurts to breathe! Taking a week off of work is always a double edged sword. The time is needed and so appreciated, but the return is never easy.
Last week Mr. Farish and Skylar went on a 9 day canoe trip which naturally gave me 9 days to spend with my gals. While the fellas were off paddling the rapids, we were sleeping in a hotel, swimming, watching movies, miniature golfing, and eating EVERY meal out. Now that is a vacation! My niece, Carlee, joined us for two days, then Dustin came over for a few days and all was grand. I didn’t even mind the occasional texts and phone calls from work asking about this child or that case etc.
Then Sunday night came and I fell into a funk. Time to return to a place that I have never found my niche. A place the feels foreign in thought and motivation. A place that I struggle to remain positive while others are not. A place that seems, well, just not for me. I find myself struggling to understand the motivations of others … the who, what, why’s that seem so petty. I want to scream out, but I do not. (Can you feel the negativity oozing out of every pore?) So, I sit in my office and go about my work, knowing what I do is important to those kids for whom I believe in. Advocate, fight, convince, struggle … on to the next child, begin again … that’s the thing though. I really like what I do. Why can’t I like where I am? There is one highlight to each day … it’s called lunch … Thank goodness for lunch-mates! They are the ones that share with me, let me be myself, and enjoy a few stress-relieving laughs. Ahhhh. Seriously though, it is pretty pathetic to find lunch the high point of every day.
UGH, I feel like I need to have a good cry and then go vomit.