Today My Heart Feels Heavy

Today my heart feels heavy and there are many reasons why.  I work in an emotionally wrenching environment – the kids that live here, the problems they have and the  lives they have lived are enough to tear a person apart.  I grieve for the childhoods they are missing and the enormity of the journey ahead for each of them.  Some I want to strangle (they are sooooo frustratingly stubborn sometimes), others I want to hug, (probably the first hug they would have in a very long time), and others I just want to sit with and let them know they aren’t alone.  The ache I feel when I see a child sitting all alone at lunchtime, knowing she is alone for every meal, shunned in the milieu, and ‘different’ in many ways, is to me, an almost unbearable sight.  Today I told her she has such beautiful skin, (skin that glowed with the compliment), I asked if she was proud of her fair skin and said I noticed when she wasn’t in the dining room … she needed that, and I guess, I did too. 
Today my heart feels heavy because while there are so many here struggling, there are those that feel it is alright to complain about trivial things such as the days menu (our meals are free), the amount of work to do (there are people that don’t have jobs), and the way a coworker wears her hairband (yes, i am serious). 
My heart feels heavy when I hear gossip being spread around and nobody stops to think how it hurts the person being talked about.  Anyone that has ever heard something nasty being said about them knows how this feels.  Do we really think the gossip isn’t going to target us next?  STOP THE GOSSIP!
My heart feels heavy when my kids are sick.  Cydney was sick during the night Friday to Saturday, Abi was sick Saturday and Skylar was sick yesterday.  I want to be able to hold them in my arms and make it all better.  My heart hurts that they want to heal on their own now that they are older.  I can still provide the love when I bring them their juice.
My heart feels heavy today.  I could go on but instead I will focus on tomorrow which will surely be better than today.Smile

2 responses to “Today My Heart Feels Heavy

  1. Gosh that was depressing……I am much like you and hate all those very things that you wrote about. My heart is now heavy as well and I wish I could hug the kids you work with. I would smile at them and find something good with each one of them because like you I believe that there is always something good in everyone. Some folks require a little deeper search but always, always there is something good to be found. Today is Monday and I hope that one of your clients there will realize how blessed they are to have you Sandra Farish by their side to smile at them and tell them that they have pretty skin. I know that if you told me that I would feel better in my heart even if it was only for a moment.You are wonderful and they are blessed.Love you,Mare

  2. Everyone should have a friend as wonderful as you Mary. Love ya tons!

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